Connection - Part Three: How Do We Achieve Connection?

Well, we've now defined connection and figured out why we need it. (At least, I hope we have...!) What's left is figuring out how to get it.

In Part One, I said:

"I think that a lot of it has to do with attitude, openness, and respect."

That, I think, gets to the heart of the matter.

How can we expect to form connections with other people if we are closed to them? How can we expect to form connections if our attitude is not pleasing? How can we expect to form connections with other people if we do not respect them or ourselves?

I firmly believe that Christ's charge to love your neighbour as yourself is the key to forming connections with other people. And I do not think it is a mistake that it is difficult to form true, loving, positive connections with people who do not truly love themselves. We cannot love someone the way they deserve to be loved if we do not first love ourselves as we deserve to be loved. (And by "deserve" I mean that every human being ought to be given love - simply because God made them.)

We have only to look at Jesus' life to see how to achieve connection.

1. He Noticed People. Jesus ministered to anyone who came to Him. Matthew 4.23-25 tells us about it:
   

   Jesus went throughout Galilee, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the good news of the kingdom and curing every disease and every sickness among the people. So his fame spread throughout all Syria, and they brought to him all the sick, those who were afflicted with various diseases and pains, demoniacs, epileptics, and paralytics, and he cured them. And great crowds followed him from Galilee, the Decapolis, Jerusalem, Judea, and from beyond the Jordan.

   Something more had to be going on than "Jesus was making people better." This passage intimates that people continued to follow Him after they were cured.
   
   I think the first step in creating connection is the simple act of noticing people. When Jesus cured someone, He took notice of them. So notice people. Notice what they are about, what they really need. And respond to that.
   
   
2. He Touched People. Jesus was not afraid of "catching something". He spent time with sinners, and He touched lepers - who were kept separate from the rest of a community because of the severity of the disease.
   

   When Jesus had come down from the mountain, great crowds followed him; and there was a leper who came to him and knelt before him, saying, "Lord, if you choose, you can make me clean." He stretched out his hand and touched him, saying, "I do choose. Be made clean!" Immediately his leprosy was cleansed. (Matthew 8.1-3)

   What do you suppose that touch was like? Was it quick and "barely there"? Or might it have been slow, deliberate, and loving? To a man who had probably not been touched by another human being in many years, what must that have been like? We've already talked about the importance of human touch to our survival. Note that in most (not all) cases, Christ heals people by touching them.
   
   We are talking about healing the world here. We are talking about touching people at their core - far deeper than anyone is touched in our culture & society. Connection requires us to do so.
   
   
3. He Forgave People. Jesus often forgave people their sins. He saw deep inside, where nobody else could, and He knew what was in their hearts.
   

   And just then some people were carrying a paralyzed man lying on a bed. When Jesus saw their faith, he said to the paralytic, "Take heart, son; your sins are forgiven." Then some of the scribes said to themselves, "This man is blaspheming." But Jesus, perceiving their thoughts, said, "Why do you think evil in your hearts? For which is easier, to say, 'Your sins are forgiven,' or to say, 'Stand up and walk'? But so that you may know that the Son of Man has authority on earth to forgive sins" - he then said to the paralytic - "Stand up, take your bed and go to your home." And he stood up and went to his home. When the crowds saw it, they were filled with awe, and they glorified God, who had given such authority to human beings. (Matthew 9.2-8)

   Forgiveness is salve for the wounds of the spirit. We cannot expect to be whole without both offering and accepting forgiveness.
   
   Forgiveness is not about accepting another's sin. It is about refusing to allow that sin to come between you - to hamper your ability to connect with them. It doesn't mean that the sin is okay. Remember, Jesus told the adulterous woman to "go, and sin no more"... He forgave her, and He told her not to do it anymore.
   
   He also told His apostles that they must forgive others as many times as necessary. (see Matthew 18.21-22)
   
   As the Father forgives, so must we.
   
   
4. He Broke Cultural Norms. Remember "Let the little children come to me"? How about healing the blind men when the crowd was busy telling them to shut up?
   

   Then little children were being brought to him in order that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The siciples spoke sternly to those who brought them; but Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not stop them; for it is to such as these that the kingdom of heaven belongs." And he laid his hands on them and went on his way. (Matthew 19.13-15)

   As they were leaving Jericho, a large crowd followed him. There were two blind men sitting by the roadside. When they heard that Jesus was passing by, they shouted, "Lord, have mercy on us, Son of David!" The crowd sternly ordered them to be quiet; but they shouted even more loudly, "Have mercy on us, Lord, Son of David!" Jesus stood still and called them, saying, "What do you want me to do for you?" They said to him, "Lord, let our eyes be opened." Moved with compassion, Jesus touched their eyes. Immediately they regained their sight and followed him. (Matthew 20.29-34)

   Break cultural norms. I think noticing people requires that you do that; Jesus noticed children, who were persona non grata in that era. He listened to the blind men and caused bullying to cease.
   
   Don't just break cultural norms, change them. Speak out against the injustices of the world. People will respond to that sense of justice that they see in you.
   
   
5. He did not run from adversity - rather, He walked straight towards it. When Jesus' life was at risk, He didn't run away and hide. He knew what was coming, yet He rode into Jerusalem that day anyway. How heavy must His heart have been, with the knowledge that He would soon walk this same path, carrying His own instrument of death on His back, amidst people who had turned on Him. These same people, who were now worshiping and praising Him, would soon enough be calling for His death.
   

   From that time on, Jesus began to show his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem and undergo great suffering at the hands of the elders and chief priests and scribes, and be killed, and on the third day be raised. And Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him, saying, "God forbid it, Lord! This must never happen to you." But he turned and said to Peter, "Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; for you are setting your mind not on divine things but on human things." (Matthew 16.21-23)

   I seriously think Peter had ADHD. But that's beside the point: Jesus knew what was coming. He told His friends. And when they tried to dissuade Him, He told them off.
   
   The road to connection is not simple or easy. It is very bumpy, difficult to navigate, and sometimes it is not safe. But if we want true connection, we must be willing to do whatever it takes to create that connection.
   
   Jesus created the ultimate connection with us when He died for us.
   
   "No one has greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends." (John 15.13)

Jesus also commissioned His disciples to go to all the nations of the world and make more disciples.

Disciple: a scholar, sometimes applied to the followers of John the Baptist (Matt. 9:14), and of the Pharisees (22:16), but principally to the followers of Christ. A disciple of Christ is one who (1) believes his doctrine, (2) rests on his sacrifice, (3) imbibes his spirit, and (4) imitates his example (Matt. 10:24; Luke 14:26, 27, 33; John 6:69).

Jesus made disciples by forming connections with people. He formed connections with people by noticing them, by touching them, by forgiving them, by breaking cultural norms, and by accepting adversity. In other words, attitude, openness, and respect.

I don't know if this is at all clearer than when I began. But I know it has clarified some things for me; I hope and pray it will do the same for those who read this blog.

All Biblical quotes taken from the NRSV Reference Bible
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Introduction
Part One: What is connection?
Part Two: Why do we need connection?