Today's Prayer
Dear God, I want to have the heart of the wise that teaches my mouth, and adds learning to my lips. May I speak pleasant words that are as a honeycomb, sweet to the soul, and health to the bones (based on Prov. 16:23-24). May wisdom, instruction, encouragement, praise, honor, and love to others and glory to You always come from my heart and mouth. I praise You and exalt You, Oh Lord. In Jesus' name, amen.
The Value of Hard Places
TGIF Today God Is First, by Os Hillman
So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. - 2 Corinthians 4:12
Being forced into hard places gives us a whole new perspective on life. Things we once valued no longer hold the same value. Small things become big things, and what we once thought big no longer holds such importance.
These hard places allow us to identify with the sufferings of others. It keeps us from having a shallow view of the hardships of others and allows us to truly identify with them. Those who speak of such trials from no experience often judge others who have had such hardship. It is a superficiality of Christian experience that often permeates shallow believers.
Those who have walked in hard places immediately have a kinship with others who have walked there also. They do not need to explain; they merely look at one another with mutual respect and admiration for their common experience. They know that death has worked a special thing in them. This death leads to life in others because of the hard places God has taken them through.
It is impossible to appreciate any valley experience while you are in it. However, once you have reached the top of the mountain, you are able to appreciate what terrain you have passed through. You marvel at what you were able to walk through. The valley of the shadow of death has yielded more than you ever thought possible. You are able to appreciate the beauty of the experience and lay aside the sorrow and pain it may have produced.
Death works in you for a greater purpose. If you are there today, be assured that God is producing something of much greater value than you will ever know.
TGIF Today God Is First by Os Hillman © 2005. TGIF Today God Is FirstTM is a registered trademark of Os Hillman/Marketplace Leaders. www.marketplaceleaders.org To request reprint permission, click here.
It is so true.
I find it interesting that this would come up in my e-mail after I visited this site last night and left the following comment:
Very clear, coherent... I appreciate this... I am dysthymic (constant mild depression), likely a result of having undiagnosed ADHD. I also have OCD tendencies and have problems dealing with anxiety (to the point that I might have developed a proper anxiety disorder without treatment for my ADHD). Finally diagnosed with ADHD this past February, and the change since August, when we found the right medication for me - phenomenal.
My father is an Anglican priest, and my brother was just ordained one on Tuesday. I know I am not called to ordained ministry, but I am in the midst of discerning my own vocational call. God has something for me, as He has for each of my three brothers; the one who was ordained just happened to land in his place first.
My blog - about all of this seeking and discerning and what-have-you - is at http://hermiting.blogspot.com.
Back to the topic of falling apart, and there are no heroes...
There really aren't any heroes. Not in depression, not in "disorder". There are just people, who somehow manage to muddle their way through the mess of life to where they find themselves on the other side. That I survived my suicidal moments does not make me a hero any more than that I *had* suicidal moments makes me weak. Rather, my inability to follow through on the desire to just have it be over and done with felt more like a character flaw - I just wasn't strong enough to inflict pain & suffering on myself - than strength.
And when we fall to pieces, we do our best to fall apart privately, silently, or (at the very least) internally. Nobody must see that we are weak, for we were bred to be strong, to have strength, to withstand the storms of this life. I have been broken more times than I care to count, and each time I have been put back together again with more care than I feel I deserve. God must have a reason for wasting His time on the likes of me, so I seek that reason each day of my life.
The frightening part is when, as you say, there is no way to hide the brokenness - no way to keep the implosion from affecting those around you. Anxiety, at its worst, is impossible to contain. On the wrong stimulant medication, my anxiety is mildly elevated when I am coming off the dose at the end of the day. On too high a dose of the wrong stimulant medication, I cannot control my own emotions at any time during the day. I throw public temper tantrums, cry for "no reason", and wish to goodness that I *could* kill myself (and just have it be over). Knowing that it's the meds causing the emotional roller coaster doesn't make it easier to deal with, any more than knowing that I'm disorganized because my brain functions differently than other people's brains do makes it easier to find things when I've buried them in a pile or a box (which is merely a contained pile).
But there is beauty in that which we battle each day, and when we are able to see that beauty and embrace it instead of rail against it, then we will be closer to finding our selves within, and closer to becoming that which we were meant to be.
One's true self is found in both the limitations and potentials that cause such grief and joy.
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