In the mist of the becoming...: Being Ready

Matthew 25:1-13 (New International Version)

New International Version (NIV)

Matthew 25

The Parable of the Ten Virgins

¹"At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. ²Five of them were foolish and five were wise. ³The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. ⁴The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. ⁵The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.

⁶"At midnight the cry rang out: 'Here's the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!'

⁷"Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. ⁸The foolish ones said to the wise, 'Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.'

⁹" 'No,' they replied, 'there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.'

¹⁰"But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.

¹¹"Later the others also came. 'Sir! Sir!' they said. 'Open the door for us!'

¹²"But he replied, 'I tell you the truth, I don't know you.'

¹³"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.

Am I ready?

That was the theme of the sermon this morning: are we ready - really ready - for His return? There won't be any time to make things right; if we've forgotten something, it's gone, and we will be shut out in the end.

I don't feel ready. I don't know if it's a function of having ADD, but I always feel like I'm missing something, I've forgotten something... like there's just that little, tiny thing that's wrong and I can't fix. It's part of that "other-ness" that is such a very basic part of who I am.

Set apart for a reason, yes, but what reason? When all is said and done, I have to live in this world, and feeling cut off from it doesn't make that very easy.

Humans long for connection. To feel connected to another living being. It is the deepest desire of the human heart, and I believe it is the deepest desire of God's heart - He longs to be connected with us. That's why He created us, after all: we are created to love Him, to be with Him, to be connected with Him.

The greatest fulfillment of vocation is to be our selves to the fullest extent possible - to express connection with God as we are, as He meant us to be. We belong to Him, but He does not own us unless we tell Him to.

I find myself seeking Him more now than ever. I have always longed to rest in His presence, but this last year has been one of desperate seeking, desperate longing, desperate desire, desperate love. I need Him in my life, as much as - if not more than - I need air to breathe.

Without Him, I am not whole.

My soul yearns for Him, to be with Him, to be near Him... just to touch the hem of His robe would sustain me for a thousand lifetimes.

Yet that is not all He has for me, and I know this like I know my own name.

Better is one day in your courts
than a thousand elsewhere;
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of the wicked. (Psalm 84:10)

The doorkeeper knows the names of all who enter into the house.

In Ursula K. LeGuin's Earthsea novels, the doorkeeper on Roke (the wizards' school, which is on an island of the same name) is also the Master Namer. He knows the usenames of all who enter the school, but he also knows the truenames of all of these people.

To know a person's truename is to have power over them, for the truename is the name of their soul - their will. The Master Namer, then, has power over all in the world, for he knows all men's truenames. And, given this power of truename knowledge, it is astounding when our hero, Sparrowhawk, chooses to let all in the world know his truename: Ged.

For if all know your soul, and if all know your will, then none has power over you.

I wonder, sometimes, if a person's "God-name" is like the truename of the Earthsea books. And if it is, then what does it mean that I am able, at times, to know the names by which God calls His children?

I do not have power over any others, even those whose God-names I know (whether by divine revelation or because my friend told me). And I only make a secret of my own (not a complete secret, as it's published here) because it is a special pet name - a name He calls me when I need to be called so.

Names are so important, as are birthdays. A person's name says a lot about them and about their parents.

My name - Janna - means "God's grace", or "flourishing". My middle name, Louise, means "warrior-maiden". This is why I call my Xanga blog "God's Flourishing Graceful Warrior" - that is my name.

And it is increasingly who I am, beginning long before I learned its meaning.

I am not physically graceful, and I hever have been. It is unlikely that I will ever develop the grace of a dancer. But I do not think of the term as applying to me in that way. It is more that I am full of God's grace, though again - that is something I am becoming, not something I am just yet. I am one called to extend God's grace - that undeserved gift - to the world. How I am to do that is something I am still figuring out, as this blog can attest. I do not yet know how to offer His grace to those from whom I feel so separate and whose lives I am unable to understand. But He will help me, and I will fulfill this in time. His time. And so I continue to grow, and I flourish in His gaze - for He is the Master Gardener.

I have not always been a warrior, either. Timid, afraid of physical combat... but I am becoming more and more willing to step out and speak my mind when I know something needs to be said. Some things require intervention, and I will fight for those who cannot speak out themselves.

Spiritual warfare remains difficult and frightening, but I am strengthened by Him who created me thus, and I will prevail over the threatening darkness. Prayer is my shield, and praise and gratitude my weapons. There is more power in the ability to praise God through the dark times and thank Him in all things... the ability to gird oneself in prayer, to use it as a shield against the arrows of the enemy - to use prayer as a defensive weapon, rather than an offensive weapon.

One of my early personal pictures was of a girl, dressed all in white, dancing and praising God out in the street. And a crowd of demons gathered around her and began to beat her. She did not fight back, she did not pray for assistance from on high... she merely continued to praise her Creator, even as she was beaten into the ground. And when she died, her face was turned upwards to Heaven, and she was smiling as she met her Saviour.

i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me