Definitely still somewhat raw, but that is life, I guess.
Thought I would post those poems now, before I go to bed.
copyright © 1994 Janna Hoskin
You take my breath away
whenever You touch me.
You take away my knowledge
and leave me with one thought.
You take my terror,
my worries, my sadness
and You turn it into joy.
You are Wonderful
You Love me with Your touch
I know when You are near
for You take my breath away.
copyright © 10.04.97 Janna Hoskin
Deep calls to deep; my soul longs for You.
In the roar of Your waterfalls
I find and renew my spirit.
I bathe in Your righteousness
and am made new again.
To You I bring my love,
to You I bring my soul.
To You I bring my life,
my self,
as an offering
......(a sacrifice)
to honour, love, serve, and obey
until the day
You take me home to Heaven.
All of Your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
I rejoice in them.
I rejoice in You.
Deep calls to deep
in the roar of Your waterfalls;
all of Your waves and breakers
have swept over me.
Cleanse me.
Contemplation
copyright © 10.28.98 Janna Hoskin
slow down
let the world come in
become absorbed in the mysteries of life
listen
pray
Eloi, Eloi...
......O my God,
......Beloved of my soul.
......Needed in my life.
Lama sabacthani...
......Where have You gone?
......I do not feel you,
........do not hear you,
........no longer see you.
......Why have you gone?
......I need to feel you,
........need to hear you,
........need to see you.
......Come back.
......Draw me in...
My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
......Why are you so far from saving me,
......so far from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
......by night, and am not silent.
............Psalm 22:1,2
copyright © 05.12.99 Janna Hoskin
I want to go deeper, Lord.
But is it time to move forwards?
If I stay where I am
will I end up treading water
for eternity?
I'm reaching new levels,
I'm not standing still,
even if I'm not moving forwards.
The cry of my heart
has always been Your name;
the desire of my soul
will forever be simply You.
(Or maybe You aren't really as simple as I'd wish,
but of course, You know what I mean.)
You've biven me a passion, need, desire
(fire)
and I yearn to express it
I yearn to share it
I long to work for You, with You,
beside You.
Let me soak sometimes still,
but put me to work.
Running in place
gets tiring after a while.
Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all of your waves and breakers have swept over me. Psalm 42:7
copyright © 06.07.99 Janna HoskinThere is such a big difference
between knowledge
and
belief.
Such a big step to take.
Let me take it.
Let me fall
and fall and fall and fall and fall...
deeper and deeper and deeper and deeper...
Like Alice into Wonderland,
down the rabbit hold,
only let the fall never end...
Never never never never never...
Break me.
I can't stop on my own;
bring ne to that place where I can.
Carry me if you have to;
throw me over the edge
to fall
and fall and fall and fall and fall...
falling falling falling falling falling...
It's sucha big step,
to go from knowing
to believing,
and that first step is a doozy.
I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief! Mark 9:24
copyright © 07.21.99 Janna Hoskin
Your love
is like a gentle wind
blowing over, around, and through me
brushing the hair back from my face.
..................(softly)
And if I hold out my arms
I can fly
if I hold out my arms
You'll catch me
and if I hold out my arms
I can soar
caught
on the current
of You.
copyright © 04.24.00 Janna Hoskin
I long to hear Your voice, O God.
Why do I find it so hard to listen?
I was created to be with You
and I miss You...
I miss knowing You're here
I miss feeling You near.
I miss the comfort and the fear.
I miss the tears.
I miss the secret touch in a crowd,
the smile, the whispered 'Hello.'
I miss the wonder of knowing Your presence,
the freedom, the anticipation.
I miss being held when I'm crying,
and the fear that sent me running
flying
crawling
into Your arms.
I miss being able to feel emotion
for myself
for others
for You.
How do I caome back to such a beautiful place?
I want to come home...
Heaven
copyright © 06.11.00 Janna Hoskin
Resting in Your arms
for all eternity
Feeling You surrounding me
filling me
forever
Knowing You are always near
never doubting You again
or feeling that empty ache
that is me
missing Your presence.
And the best of the bunch, if I may say so myself...
copyright © 06.19.00 Janna Hoskin
God of contradictions
God of unchanging
solidarity.
How am I to remember to fear
the greatness of the One who created Eternity
when I am reminded at ever turn
that He is also supposed to be my best friend?
How do you fear a friend?
How am I supposed to find You
praying in the Garden of Gethsemane
when it's the simplest of truths
that I have trouble coming to in faith?
How do you come to faith?
How can I sing Your praises
with the angels who love You unquestioningly
when I always have to ask
and I don't want to be who I am?
How do you worship 'I AM'?
How do I know You're around
listening to my tearful, terrified prayers
when I can't quiet the sounds
and come in silence to feel Your presence?
How do you enter that presence?
How do I find that place again
that I can come around the corner once more
crawl into Your lap for comfort
walk with You in the orchard
eventually fly above it all?
How do I find the You I've forgotten
the You I never knew
the You I need?
How can I reach far enough,
strive hard enough,
give enough,
be enough
to reach You?
How can I feel You?
I must be Thomas once again,
doubting in the face of all the evidence,
wondering if it's really true,
hoping that it is...
knowing deep down that it has to be.
How do I come back?
Where do I go?
What do I need?
God of contradictions
God of unchanging
solidarity.
I will hopefully find the rest of my poetry - my more recent work - soon. I'm hoping to get some filing done this coming week.
It is sleeping time.
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