copyright © 06.19.00 Janna Hoskin
God of contradictions
God of unchanging
solidarity.
How am I to remember to fear
the greatness of the One who created Eternity
when I am reminded at ever turn
that He is also supposed to be my best friend?
How do you fear a friend?
How am I supposed to find You
praying in the Garden of Gethsemane
when it’s the simplest of truths
that I have trouble coming to in faith?
How do you come to faith?
How can I sing Your praises
with the angels who love You unquestioningly
when I always have to ask
and I don’t want to be who I am?
How do you worship ‘I AM’?
How do I know You’re around
listening to my tearful, terrified prayers
when I can’t quiet the sounds
and come in silence to feel Your presence?
How do you enter that presence?
How do I find that place again
that I can come around the corner once more
crawl into Your lap for comfort
walk with You in the orchard
eventually fly above it all?
How do I find the You I’ve forgotten
the You I never knew
the You I need?
How can I reach far enough,
strive hard enough,
give enough,
be enough
to reach You?
How can I feel You?
I must be Thomas once again,
doubting in the face of all the evidence,
wondering if it’s really true,
hoping that it is…
knowing deep down that it has to be.
How do I come back?
Where do I go?
What do I need?
God of contradictions
God of unchanging
solidarity.
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