Recent Poetry, Artwork, and Thoughts With This New Year

Ocean of Desperation
copyright © November 2005 Janna Hoskin

The heavens are closed to me now,
the Father's face is turned away.
As I lie upon my bloody cross
I can do nothing else but pray:

Take this suffering-cup from me;
I can't drink it anymore.
How much longer will it be?
This body is torn and sore.

My soul is dying within me,
no angels have come to heal it.
Salted waves sting my broken body,
and I drown without the Spirit.

......When I am beached, gather me close,
......don't let me dry out in the sun.
......Oil for my wounds & wine for my soul;
......please hold me until this is done.

There's no way I can save myself,
I'm at the mercy of these waves.
I know that I got here on my own,
and I'm needing the One who saves.

Sweet
copyright © 12.16.05 Janna Hoskin

I am hungry for the stillness,
Longing for Your presence...
Reach into this restlessness
And reconnect my senses...

Re-create me, God,
With every single touch.
Warm me from within;
Your breath is so much
......Sweeter
......Than this
......Life.

I am seeking out simplicity,
Looking for Your promise...
Speak in this becoming
And bless me in Your mist...

......Teach me more & more each day
......Who I can be in You.
......Remind me what it means to play;
......I know I need to
............Lie down and sleep,
............For You will keep
............Me safe.

I am wishing on the Morning Star,
Listening for Your grace...
Press in upon my waiting heart,
And guide me in the Way...

Healing Graceful Love
copyright © December 2005 Janna Hoskin

In this moment of desperation,
I'm amazed at the Grace You impose...
Blessings untold,
Miracles unfold...
Even when I've hit that wall
Again.

You find me,
Broken & shattered;
You love me,
Fallen though I may be;
And You hold me until I am strong...
You make me strong
Again.

Crimson Collision
copyright © 01.02.06 Janna Hoskin

Sparks fly
Cold & red
Bloody repentance

Destroying ego
Refining self
Holy demolition

Becoming real
Growing into life
Powerful Truth

Catch that fire
Shower it down
Identity finally found

Crimson Collision

There are some new pictures to post at Flickr - I will get them up later. I just wanted to get these poems and the painting for the first up.

I was reading some of my back-posts tonight after Tehillah (just before deciding to write this post), and this one really hit me.

Some selections:

...this last year has been one of desperate seeking, desperate longing, desperate desire, desperate love. I need Him in my life, as much as - if not more than - I need air to breathe.

Without Him, I am not whole.

My soul yearns for Him, to be with Him, to be near Him... just to touch the hem of His robe would sustain me for a thousand lifetimes.

Yet that is not all He has for me, and I know this like I know my own name.

This is so... eloquent. My writing style has changed... so much... in the last while. Especially here, in this blog... in my writing about God.

i believe in you
i'll give up everything just to find you
i have to be with you to live to breathe
you're taking over me
Artist: Evanescence
Song: Taking Over Me

There is Truth here. For me, this song is about God - Him who gave me life, Him who gives me life.

He is my life.

And again.

I can't figure out exactly what happened. I don't know where the words are coming from now. It must be God, because I'm pretty sure it isn't me.

The sentiments expressed in those bits I quoted above - those are what I want to focus on this year. I want to focus on that intensity, on that desperation, on that need for God's presence and guidance in my life.

I want to find Him at every turn.

I want to be able to reach out and touch Him.

I want to know Him - I must become closer and deeper, crawl inside of Him and stretch to reach the edges of all He has for me.

I want to breathe Him in and out, so that I take Him in and then offer His Love to all I encounter.

I am sure that I will, eventually, come back to this post, also, and marvel at the words I wrote this night.

That's okay.

I would rather wonder at the awesomeness of God and His gifts than become content with mediocrity.

He did not create us (any of us) to be mediocre.

Hence the focus for this year.

Intensity destroys mediocrity.