Waiting on Miracles

Wrote this tonight at THING... seems appropriate, with what I've been thinking about and wishing for lately. Spawned by the song I posted on my LiveJournal today.

04/23/05 Are You Willing to Wait for the Miracle? What else am I gonna do, really? I have to wait on You! I know I can walk on water - do what seems impossible. I just have to trust You, accept Your help, believe that You will be there to haul me out of the depths if (when!) I start to sink. That certainty... I once knew, without a shadow of a doubt to mar the beauty of Godly knowledge & certainty, that I could walk on water. I could do the impossible. I could know You - really, truly, the way You want me to. I could do anything. I can do anything - where I am weak, You are strong! I long to feel safe, God. That's all I've ever wanted. How... how have I not felt safe? A good home, a solid foundation to root myself and guide me... how am I not safe with You, with people, with myself? The desire to feel safe is what is at the rood of my desire for closeness with other people. If I am close to another person, then they will not hurt me. (Yes, I know this isn't true.) So being close to others affords me some measure of safety, of protection. Oh, God! I know I know I KNOW! that true safety may only be found in You! that true, reciprocal, unconditional love can only come from You! that the kind of closeness I so desperately desire... is Yours and Yours alone. I struggle with the intangibles of relationship with You. Daily, it seems, I feel unfulfilled. And I know, I know, I KNOW! that it is I, not You, causing this dissatisfaction in my soul. I want You I need You And I absolutely have to love You! You are within and without, the air through which I move - that which gives me life. Desperately I seek You, when I remember to look. Desperately I need You. Desperately. The impossible, for me, starts here. Seeking You, striving to know You fully. I don't want to be found this time. This time, I want to find You. But, of course, I don't know where You are; You always have the advantage of knowing exactly where I am, at any given time. I don't have that luxury. I don't know where You are. I'm going to have to search, high and low... over and under, in and out, in front of, behind, and beside. But I will find You. So stay put. Hide in plain sight. Be obvious. Touch me constantly. I'm tired of crawling, tired of walking, tired of wandering, tired of constantly seeking comfort in Your arms, tired of holding back, tired of refusing all You have to offer. I'm tired of being afraid of my own life! I want to run, I want to fly! I want to fulfill purpose, reach a destination, follow a plan! I want to garner strength from Your peaceful & loving arms! I want to act & speak out without worry or fear! I want to accept Your best for me! I want to be bold and courageous, and trusting! And I can do it. I know. You can - You will - make it all possible.