I can't help but wonder, as I struggle on through my life - my becoming, as I now call it... I wonder: am I truly making the best choices?
There are many areas in which I struggle - areas in which "struggle" is pretty much all I am able to do.
But I am not really writing about those areas when I write about this struggle, and these choices.
How much does it really matter - to anyone - if I choose to limit my circle of friends as much as I have... if I close myself off from forming new friendships/close relationships (of any kind) and avoid people as much as possible? (Here I note that this has already happened, and I find myself shutting out even those with whom I have been somewhat close in the past.)
And... does it really matter what I end up doing with my career? If I choose to be a secretary for the rest of my working days... if I never do any more schooling... if I never have a single word I write published by an actual publishing house/magazine... if I stop working with 'my kids'... if I never become a Spiritual Director... who (besides me) will really be impacted?
How do people make this kind of life decision without God to help them do so?
I have far too many options in one area of my life, and I think I'm limiting myself far too much in the other.
Father, guide me.
You're the only one who can.
1 comment:
I have been reading your blog for the past several months, and have been deeply moved on several occasions. I think I understand the "becoming" you often point to, and the sufferings that accompany it. You were not made for this world, and yet ... this world needs you in some, as yet undefined way. You embody at least the first four Beatitudes, and so you are salt and light. I just wanted to encourage you, so that as you pray to God, you may pray in hope and expectation, rather than desperation.
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