Wholeness.

There are people in this world whose outward expression does not fit their soul. It must be incredibly uncomfortable - moreso than simply knowing that who you are inside doesn't match who you are outside - because these people often don't realise that they are not being true to themselves. Only through patient teaching by those who know the truth can they come to wholeness. And I don't mean wholeness the way the world means it, nor even wholeness as spiritual leaders usually mean it... merely the wholeness of knowing one's own self as fully as possible, and the wholeness of learning to be somewhat comfortable with the otherness of that dichotomy between the physical and the spiritual.

I wrote the above in response to a post made by a friend on her blog. And it reminded me of the topic I've been wanting to write about for a few days now: wholeness.

What is wholeness, anyway? We talk about being broken people, about not feeling whole, about how God fills that hole inside of us that needs to be filled with purpose and meaning. But in all of this talk, in all of these metaphysical nothing words that are only symbols anyway... do any of us really know what wholeness actually is?

I would guess that the answer to that question is no. Nobody knows what wholeness is, they just know that they need it, want it, seek it. But what good is it to search for something if you don't know what you're looking for?

This idea really whacked me over the head as I was thinking about my recent diagnosis of clinical depression. I'm taking medication for that now, and the change has been quite amazing. I no longer fly between intense emotion and no emotion. I no longer have high anxiety levels. (Of course, the lack of ADHD medication has begun to take its toll, and my work is definitely beginning to suffer. But I'll deal with that next week; I have a doctor's appointment on Monday.)

As a "broken person" (in a much more concrete way than most who use that phrase in reference to themselves), I've wondered about the concept of wholeness. What is it? Is it the absence of "disorder"? Is it constant joy & happiness? The knowledge that I am loved by God? What?

I have to say, I disagree with those who believe that I am broken because I have ADHD and clinical depression. A person can have ADHD and be whole. A person can be depressed and be whole. Wholeness is more about the state of the soul than it is the state of one's mind or emotions, I think.

I think that broken people are broken because of sin, and whole people are whole because of Christ. That's the only defining factor in this. We cannot suppose that an autistic person cannot be spiritually whole any more than we must suppose that Mother Teresa was broken. All are broken, and all have the capacity to become whole. We must simply accept the healing hand of Christ in our lives.

I may have felt broken many times in my past, but the moment I accepted Christ and invited him to be a part of my life, I was made whole. Sure, there are still a few dents and cracks here and there, but he's working on those, banging the dents out, glueing, replacing, repainting... eventually I'll be lovely and better than new.

I admit, I like having a proper range of emotions now. I love not having overwhelming anxiety attacks over little things. I particularly enjoy when I can control what I'm focusing on. So I'll keep on with the medication and counseling, because those are the tools God has given me to mend those dents and cracks.

A person who is broken becomes whole, partially because the people around her decide that she is. - Joss Whedon