04.06.06 - In response to the homily given at Christ Church that morning.
The Spirit comes and makes possible the dreams of our hearts. Waiting isn’t bad! We wait only for the start of the story, the start of our lives. Forcing things to happen too soon will destroy them. It is so important that we learn patience, that we force waiting rather than expediency. How else can we know the fullness that is life in the presence of God?
I have said in the past that I am not a patient person. And I’m not. I want what I want when I want it, and that’s all there is to it. But I know I need to learn to wait, to allow things to happen in their own time.
05.06.06 - During the initial singing at Tehillah.
Shift & accelerate.
I need to PUSH, to FOCUS.pray until something happens
fully offer & commit unto sanctification
Shift focus. Accelerate into this new way of being, this new way of seeing.“Where there is no vision, the people perish.” - Proverbs 29.18
Press in, press on, press down, press up, press out.
Iron out the wrinkles.
Prioritize
- Work
- Tom
- Writing
- blogs
- Sylvie’s Song
- devotionals
- Artwork
I’ve stalled… forgot to accelerate through the shift… forgot I wasn’t driving an automatic. This lack of action is completely my own fault… I’m the one who was given the green light & sat there & forgot to get going.
NO MORE.
I have the time, I just have to use it. I have to use it. I have to use my time when I get home from the office. I need to write. Write my book. Write devotionals for the next day. I need to do this. I have the time.
I have the tools. More & more, I am learning that I have these tools, and I am unpacking them… learning to use them. (May I always use them to glorify God!) I need to use these tools, these gifts, if I’m going to truly learn to use them for all that God wants me to use them for. But I have the tools.
Active Waiting! I’m waiting to visit - meet Tom, and using the time to get to know him, to learn about him - the meet won’t - can’t - be as frightening as it would have been without this time of waiting, of preparation.
And this waiting needs to also be a time of action, a time of preparing for life with him. Part of that is learning discipline, acting, moving forwards in these other areas of my life.
I can do this. I am equipped. I have been given the go-ahead. I just have to accelerate.
Be first off the green.
Later that night, there were tears. The shift is happening, it’s going on as I type, as I tell my story. To head for the front of the sanctuary, to stand with many others in attendance, and to offer myself once more to the service of my King…
05.06.06 - After the tears.
I just gave up the most important thing in my life. And now… now I have to wait and see if God lets me have it back.
I don’t want to break. Please, God, no breaking. I know I was happy before. And I would be happy again.
Just… please.
Giving up the most important thing in my life… how do people do such things and survive? The pain it caused was behind my tears, but the tears were due also to the joy of knowing that I was following my God.
I’m small, and I feel ineffective, but I know that I was meant to effect change in this world. I have been gifted and empowered to do so, and I will perform my duties as I am called. My vocation has been confirmed so many times in the past, and now it is cemented.
I trust my God, and I fully believe that He will restore to me that which I have given freely and willingly into His service. And it will be better than it was before I relinquished control of my life.
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