What I want to do.

I was talking to my brother in the car on the way home from church today, and I do - I really do - know what I want to do with my life.

I want to write.

I want to be a writer.

I want to write books. And be published.

I have wanted to do this since I was very small. Stories are a part of who I am… the act of telling stories is central to my identity.

And here is where I need to find a way to work within my ADHD to get it to happen. Because this “affliction” - which has gifted me with the ability to craft superb sentences and create vivid pictures using words and only words - also makes it extremely difficult (read: damn near impossible) for me to focus on a project long enough to get it polished and to the point where it does what I need/want it to do, in terms of communication and so on.

I think part of the problem with it is that writing doesn’t have an external structure to it. If I’m going to be a writer, I need to create - and stick to - a schedule/plan. And that isn’t something that comes easily to me.

The chaos that is my mind isn’t really difficult for me to manage, most of the time. It’s the unstructuredness of life that doesn’t work for me. I mean, if my time isn’t specifically laid out, I will accomplish nothing. I do well at work because there’s a rhythm to my days, to my weeks. Not so at home.

I’ll be learning this over the next little while, I think.

I am both excited and apprehensive about this idea. I do hope that I can make it happen. It’s my dream. It makes use of the gifts God has given me. I feel it is my vocation, my Calling. Which probably explains much about why I can never seem to finish any writing projects.