Vocation

I went to a Hallowe'en party with Bethany tonight, at Brian & Anne's house. It was a fun party. I went as an "identity crisis" - all in black, with name tags pinned to me with different names on the tags. It was funny - people all thought I was so original. I pulled the idea off a web site.

The reason I am writing about this here is that I had two very deep conversations while I was there that have direct bearing on the focus of this blog.

The first was with Dave, about hermiting. The attempt to explain duality to him. We had some interesting dialogue about the nature of sin and the nature of the spirit, and how and why connection is so important to us.

The nature of sin is the state of being separated/disconnected from God. So sin is anything that cuts us off from Him. We desire that connection - we require connection to feel whole. God created us to be connected with Him, and when we are disconnected, we seek to fill that void with otherness, because it is so very distressing and uncomfortable to feel disconnected - set apart - segregated - separate. We are made in His image, so our spirits require connection just as He requires connection. There are so many people in this world that are disconnected from God... no human spirit could withstand that much disconnection

The second talk was with Candace, about vocation and following your self to wholeness, to vocation, to calling... about doing what you love. She thanked me for that conversation at the end, and I am more and more certain - so much so tonight that I actually spoke it out loud to both Candace and Dave. So I will state it briefly here, and discuss it in-depth later, when I post my notes from the book.

Basically, I am becoming increasingly convinced that my path lies, not in autism treatment, but in writing, drawing, painting, composition... in creation. This has been a constant in my life. I have been reading - entranced with words - since I was 3. I have been pretending to write down my stories since I was at least 5, and drawing has been a gifted talent for as long as I can remember. When I was 2 or 3 years old, I got up on a stool at a clergy party at the Bishop's (in Peace River) and recited a poem I had made up about my baby brother.

My deepest and greatest joy is found in music, in writing, in creating visual art. The communication of ideas, of knowledge, of emotion.

Vocation is found where my deep joy meets the world's deep need.

I guess the question I need to be attempting to answer is whether or not the world needs to hear what I have to say. Is it that important for me to speak truth into others' lives? How necessary is it for me to use my communicative and creative skills in order to serve others? How does one serve others with these skills?

And the Father says to you, Janna, that you’re in a time and a season when things are changing; when things are moving; when things are being reinterpreted around your life. There’s something new and fresh that the Father wants to give to you, Janna. There’s new experiences. Deepening. A broadening. There’s things the Father has for you that you haven’t received and haven’t fully unpacked. It’s almost like there’s containers and boxes and things around you that are still waiting to be unpacked. There’s things that the Father wants to give to you, that will give you life and truth and understanding and reference points that will be helpful for you. There’s this counsel and wisdom that the Father wants to speak into your life, that will help to interpret and reinterpret some things for you. The Lord says there’s things coming that will bring clarity and great reflective understanding back to you. You like reflection, Janna. You like reflective relationships. You like to do things that build clear communication. You like to be very honest and open; you like to be deep, and you like to be clear in understanding motivation, intentions, agendas, and things that are important in relationships. You’re a woman that’s got a lot of relationship skills, good people skills, good communication equipment in your life that the Father wants you to use to communicate His love, His truth, and His life to others. There’s many things that the Father wants to speak and communicate to your heart. And the Father says, “I am walking and waiting and nurturing you to come into a place when there’s a greater processing, a greater receiving, a greater ability for you to understand and to come into that which is yours in God.” There’s a lot of inheritance – a lot of spiritual inheritance and giftedness that the Father wants to put upon you. And, Janna, he wants to just – it’s almost like the misting rain, the mist that comes with a very green and fertile environment. The father says you do very well in very green and fertile environments when there’s a lot of support, a lot of strength, a lot of structure around you that gives to you a lot of momentum and helps to build and create out of your life the truth that can set many people free.

"The truth that can set many people free."

Communicate that truth. Speak it into others' lives.

Vocation.