Alone

You know, a lot of the time I just feel like I'm being left behind. The girl who's training me in VB is 24. She doesn't have a Masters but she's training me in VB because she knows more about it. Gina is going to school in September to do her Masters in Special Education - which is what I want to do. She's the same age as Jonathan. Vince just bought his sister a car. I'm doing well to be able to pay my rent on time.

There is so much I just don't know how to do, and it's incredibly frustrating. I can't organize myself, no matter how hard I try. I can't get ahead in my career and I can't go back to school. I can't sort out my finances. I have trouble making friends - I don't even know where to start... how do I even find people to be friends with at this point?

I'm very alone, and I feel like nobody really understands - nobody has ever really understood - just how *hard* everything is for me. I mean, *everything* I do is *incredibly* hard.

People are draining - I finish a day of work, and I don't want to go out because I can't handle more people. I'm going to have 34.5h/w probably this year for work, and that's pushing my limits.

Someone over on a.s.a posted this URL. It's a site about Lupus, and what it's like to have Lupus, but it's a concrete lesson in what it's like to live my life, too.