Love

I don't understand this whole love thing. How do you experience God's love? How do you feel something or someone you cannot physically see or touch or hear?

I love God. I love Jesus. I really, truly do. I just don't totally understand things.

Still stuck in this place where I know & believe with my head, but I'm not so sure about my heart.

Did I say still?

Yes. And I meant it.

I know I've had moments of knowing & believing with my whole being, but those were moments - by definition, very fleeting.

When I read about people being caught up in His arms, being swept away by His love, wanting to get to know Him more, I get... stuck.

What does all of that mean?

What is it like to be caught up in God's arms, to feel that kind of safety and warmth?

What is it like to be swept away by God's love, to truly give all control over to Him?

What is it like to want to get to know Him more - to know Him?

I'm confused, and frustrated, and all the rest of everything... I just don't know...

I want to know God. I don't know how to do that.

*peers around the corner of that wretched orchard*

Hey, Jesus... I know I keep doing this... but can You maybe help me get in there with You? And once I'm there, do something to keep me where I'm supposed to be? I want to be there with you, I just don't think I'm able to get in without Your help. And I obviously can't stay without Your help.

The pictures are back, which is just so phenomenal. And I saw Jesus' eyes last night, over and over... if I could, I'd draw them. But that's one thing I know I'm unable to capture.

To see the things God wants to tell me, that is just... amazing.

But I want more.

How much more?

I want everything. I want it all. I want whatever He has planned for me. I know it's all good, because I know that He is good.

I just really would like my heart to be in tune with my head. Right now, it's like there are two different songs going on inside me, and they're in different keys and really don't fit together well. I need them to mesh. I need them to be one piece instead of two.